After the shock and tears-which still come-the news that my days might be numbered is frightening. There is no way to hide the fact knowing your approximate date of death is not scary.
I could live beyond 2020, as I have lived with COPD for over 25 years, but the illness is getting worse and breathing is harder.
In the last week I have found a calmness within me, which I never knew existed. I have never been pushy, but now at the opening of a new era, I find myself complacent and not really bothered about the finances of my book sales, to me the enjoyment one person gets from a book is the same as many sales.
I have found a clarity of mind in the last week and learned to decide what to focus on, if my time is limited. I am not going to do any tiny stories for sale, nor attempt something which may not be finished.
I had wondered about the eternal question-"If you were going to die, would you wish to know?" My answer has always been-yes. I think it is better to know and be able to fight the illness, if possible than to live in the hope you will beat it, when others know different.
Being a spiritual person, I am not afraid of death, but I don't wish to linger on a machine either.