In 1991, folk singer Peter Bellamy committed suicide, a year earlier his friend and fellow singer Royston Wood was killed when he was hit by a car, while repairing a puncture.
Peter apparently spent the last day of his life listening to the records he had made and looking at an empty gig book, his last words were "But I am good. What the hell has gone wrong?"
Those words typify how I feel, with the exception that I know what went wrong for me.
A year ago, I won the award shown above, and other than working with and becoming great friends with my great, Julia, nothing has gone well.
One of the main reasons I am finding it hard to write is because in the last 4 months I have become worried a government group in the UK will cut my disabled benefits and this will mean my family will not be able to feed itself. Other concerns are that as only one copy of "The Love of the Sea" http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EZ84216 has been sold, my total output for the year has been wasted, and this leads me to wonder is there a point to continuing?
I often consider, did I make a bad decision turning down the offer from Horny Devil Publishing http://alsdomain.weebly.com/9/post/2013/02/horny-devil.html#.Umugr3BtjDM I realise at the time they were not happy at being called porn pushers, but if my hard headed attitude had softened; I might have had a contract. My friends who came 1st and 2nd in the FB contest got offers, because I was pushed down 'illegally' to 4th, the only slight satisfaction I have is beating my harshest critic, but her goal was too stop me from getting anywhere. I guess, she won.
I have often said, I feel one of my greatest errors of judgement was trying to be original in a world which thrives on zombies and cheap sex novels. I wanted to be known for my writing and paid the cost, I am left with nothing to show, nowhere to go and at a loss as to how to start again, or if I should at all.
You, the readers have rejected my work, while people who write fanfiction thrive; that is the cross I bear-I have been told many times by people on line that they think I am a good writer, yet I doubt their claim because a writer needs sales and I have none to show.
Peter apparently spent the last day of his life listening to the records he had made and looking at an empty gig book, his last words were "But I am good. What the hell has gone wrong?"
Those words typify how I feel, with the exception that I know what went wrong for me.
A year ago, I won the award shown above, and other than working with and becoming great friends with my great, Julia, nothing has gone well.
One of the main reasons I am finding it hard to write is because in the last 4 months I have become worried a government group in the UK will cut my disabled benefits and this will mean my family will not be able to feed itself. Other concerns are that as only one copy of "The Love of the Sea" http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EZ84216 has been sold, my total output for the year has been wasted, and this leads me to wonder is there a point to continuing?
I often consider, did I make a bad decision turning down the offer from Horny Devil Publishing http://alsdomain.weebly.com/9/post/2013/02/horny-devil.html#.Umugr3BtjDM I realise at the time they were not happy at being called porn pushers, but if my hard headed attitude had softened; I might have had a contract. My friends who came 1st and 2nd in the FB contest got offers, because I was pushed down 'illegally' to 4th, the only slight satisfaction I have is beating my harshest critic, but her goal was too stop me from getting anywhere. I guess, she won.
I have often said, I feel one of my greatest errors of judgement was trying to be original in a world which thrives on zombies and cheap sex novels. I wanted to be known for my writing and paid the cost, I am left with nothing to show, nowhere to go and at a loss as to how to start again, or if I should at all.
You, the readers have rejected my work, while people who write fanfiction thrive; that is the cross I bear-I have been told many times by people on line that they think I am a good writer, yet I doubt their claim because a writer needs sales and I have none to show.
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