I wanted to have the good feeling about my work as a writer that drove me on years ago, but I ended up an empty shell of a has-been hack.
I feel like runner - Ron Clarke - www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2015/jun/17/ron-clarke-australian-world-champion-distance-runner-dies-at-78 - who entered the stadium in Mexico at the end of the 10,000 metres. He crossed the finish and collapsed with exhaustion. He finished sixth, after challenging for the lead.
I keep being told that I'm a bestseller and popular, but sales would show otherwise. After seven years, one would expect to see some forward motion but all I feel is that I'm slipping backwards.
My current assignment on Upwork will be my last. This is my largest task - a five-book series - and most profitable. But with the constant fight against cheap Asian writers, and clients encouraging undercutting prices, I feel it isn't worth continuing.
Ironically, this project would have put me close to being considered a top writer on the site, but with one acceptance in every two months the site is getting less inviting for me as a sci-fi writer.