Seeing people at their lowest. A few years ago, my mother and I had a row when I went to try and heal our wounds; the visit came at a low time for me, as I lost a close friend that weekend, and my mother showed no feelings.
I cannot forgive her for those three days, I needed a friend, and she wasn't there for me.
In the last few years,my mother hasn't had a good word for me; culminating last Christmas when she called me a waster, as I had no job. I have been disabled for several year, and try to get a few dollars with my writing.
In care. In July, my mother went into a care home in Clevedon. My family visited her every now and then, but I didn't, for to me she was still the same person who showed no feelings that weekend, and that still hurt.
Yesterday, my son took me and my wife to see my mother. I didn't want to go, but I'm very glad I did. Try as I might, I failed to see the same lady who showed no feelings to me; what I saw was a frail, old lady seeking solace at the end of her life, and no matter how I tried I could feel no anger, or bitterness to her.
The end. It would have been so easy to lick my lips, and think "Finally, you're not trying to run my life!" But, that isn't me, all I wanted was for her to know she can die in peace, I may not have forgiven her, but I bear her no grudge any more. I could not hate such a frail lady, who has only a month or two to live.